As horrible and traumatic as your childhood experiences are, you can always deal with them in adulthood.
When turning to a psychologist, many are perplexed, "Why are you asking about my mother, if I came with the problem that the family is falling apart?" or "What does my childhood have to do with it if I can't get married at 35?"
People do not realize that the human psyche works like an accurate computer, and repeatedly throughout life clearly recreates the programs that were originally embedded in it. And most of these programs are formed during childhood. Therefore, in order to make changes in adult life now (real changes are deep, permanent) it is necessary to go back and rewrite the programs again. What, in fact, does psychotherapy do?
How does the past childhood experience affect later life?
Few grew up in a happy and prosperous family, and, probably, many promised themselves - "I definitely will not be like a mother! I will never behave like a father! I will not treat my own children like that!" ... Time passes and a person catches himself on the same behaviour - a woman becomes an exact copy of the mother, a man who grew up in an incomplete family divorces and leaves his wife with a child, a young mother begins to spank her first-grader son ... Why is this happening? After all, people deliberately did not want such behaviour.
Everything is decided by the initial experience, the first relationship in life is the relationship with parents, siblings and other significant loved ones. According to them, the brain adds up a model of behaviour for the entire subsequent life and, according to the principle of transfer, reproduces it repeatedly.
This can be any relationship strategy - to be afraid of relationships, keep people at a distance, ignore their own or other people's emotions and feelings, suppress them, avoid conflicts in any way, keep their thoughts to themselves, be afraid to insist on their own or, conversely, hysterically demand their own - these and many other patterns of behaviour we carry from our childhood experience into adulthood.
When we, grown-up children, come into a relationship, we bring with us all the baggage of our past. And often, we shift all responsibility to our partner - accusing, demanding, complaining and offended. But it's not your partner's fault that as a child you felt lonely and abandoned, or that your previous marriage did not work out, or that your parent drank and could not give much. There is no need to "heal" at the expense of someone else - it takes a lot of effort and is always ineffective.
Everything is decided by the initial experience, the first relationship in life is the relationship with parents, siblings and other significant close people.
Only you can help yourself. Do not hesitate to seek help from specialist psychologists. This will help make the healing process as effective as possible. But also, do not forget that not all childhood traumas are completely healed, but you can always minimize their impact on everyday life and on important areas. Childhood pain and the feelings of trauma prevent a person from growing up and making the most of the resources that adulthood provides. Even a small step towards a traumatic experience can significantly enhance and enrich a person's overall emotional and physical potential.
Many people think: "Why poke around in the past? It's long gone! We must live now. Now I have such problems, I must deal with them!" But all childhood experience, and especially the one associated with strong emotional experiences, constantly lives in us and subconsciously affects the way of thinking, behaviour and actions. It's like the foundation of a building: if there are significant holes in it, then no matter how much you patch and repair from above, the house will not be reliable and stable.
Imagine that you come to the doctor with a broken arm, and he asks: "What happened to the arm? Tell us how it was?" And you answer: "Doctor, well, this is the past! Why remember this? My hand hurts - make it so that it does not hurt!" Sounds absurd? But this is exactly what we most often do with our emotional traumas - we do it so that it doesn't "hurt" with the help of alcohol, food, other addictions, partners, things, achievements.
If you are looking for help, then you are ready to transform your life today.
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