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How to become free


Most are convinced that there is no real freedom of choice. That there are things you can do and there are things that you cannot do. And this is not about following the rules, but about people who are sure that they will never be able to make their dreams come true, to live the way they want. Why? Because of the psychological traps they place in their path.


For some, it starts with the birth of their child, they wanted a boy, but it turned out to be a girl, they hoped that the heir would be an excellent student, but got a typical C grade, they dreamed that the daughter would play the piano, and the son would receive a high sporting achievement, but the children turned out to be not inclined. A lot is expected of us from childhood, and even the most progressive parents often do not realize that they are always demanding something from their children.

“You have to be the way I want you to be,” is the general message that many people get back in school. Well, then comes the institute, the arrangement of personal life, the birth of their children. On the "subcortex", as a cliché, remains the idea - to translate into reality not your own, but other people's expectations.

Many children were simply not taught to choose. Parents decided what children should wear, what to eat, what hobbies to choose ("What kind of games in the yard?! Go read a book!"). As a result, there are two scenarios: either a person is trying to become “good” all their life, to meet parental hopes, or rebelled against this dictate and lives completely differently from what was expected by the parents.

What do we see in the end? Unloved work, family, for which the person was not ready. Many even choose life partners for themselves not with their hearts, but with their heads (or someone else's), although they are ready to swear that this is not so. And from them, too, they begin to always demand something. For example, say that the wife, a passionate scientist, stays at home and brings up the children, rather than spending her days in the laboratory. Or a husband who works as an ordinary manager and is happy with everything, certainly made a career and became rich.


Many of us are unable to listen to ourselves. We could live as we like if we had at least some idea of ​​what we like. But instead, we adopt other people's recipes for happiness. And not necessarily from the parents - the media, advertising, the environment are trying. I would like to achieve success in the generally accepted sense, or at least not "lag behind the team." For example, getting married on time, getting an executive chair, having children, and so on.

Oddly enough, often our inner nature still takes its toll. People who are not psychologically ready for a family get divorced after such a “planned marriage” upon reaching a certain age or start to run away. Their whole life becomes not an existence in harmony and happiness, but an eternal escapism: either they pile themselves up with deeds to turn off their heads and not think about anything, or they go into computer games, parties, drinking, overeating, and so on.

People need at least some kind of compensation for living in a prison built by their own hands, and they look for it in addictions. Relationships, shopping, TV shows. And they usually say so: they say, at work, a madhouse, the husband is a scoundrel, the wife of a shrew, but when I come home, there is a favorite program or an unfinished novel waiting for me, and that's at least something. Or “If we live to see the vacation, then there will be a short, but no real life”.


For those who have existed in bondage since childhood, life consists entirely of compromises. They are always ready to object: “What freedom? What about responsibility? I have a family, children, you just have to pay for water and electricity. “And this is their explanation of why for many years they have been doing an unloved business and making the same gloomy, uninteresting plans for the future.

The good news is that it can be done with. And not sometime later, but right now. Some people ask me what if I don't want to go to work? I answer like this: “If you don’t want today, don’t go. If you don’t want to tomorrow, stay at home, you won’t get anything. But if the thought of an office has been breaking you for a whole week, then it's time to think - do you really need it? "

It is important to understand that the other life, the one when everything is high for you, pleasure at work, and harmony at home, is quite real. Moreover, it will require much less effort and expense from you than the one you live now. When you do what you like, you don't get tired at all. This type of activity does not take away your strength, but on the contrary, it gives you energy. In this situation, you will achieve more both in terms of money and in terms of status. Because you will be in your place, living your realities, and not serving other people's expectations.


It's just a matter of getting into the habit of doing what you enjoy or doing what you love, surrounding yourself with people you really feel good about. And always, not from time to time. The habit, as you know, is formed 21 days, but if you are not used to freedom from childhood, then you will have to work with yourself.

You will go through resistance, the psyche will slip, asking you to return to the usual scenario. But this is a good indicator: if it becomes a little more difficult than before, it means that the changes have taken place, the old neural connections are broken, and new ones appear in their place.

Freedom is not a philosophical question. It is a matter of psychological health and well-being. People who live the way they like, do not conflict with this world, do not defend their interests in it, do not fight with everyone. And even more so they do not fight with themselves. They just live happily. Their complexes go away, internal contradictions are resolved. Everything becomes smooth and clear.

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