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SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-LOVE

Updated: Aug 28, 2020

How to love yourself and build self-confidence


Let’s try to find out why low self-esteem is formed and how to learn to treat yourself well not because of external achievements, but just like that.


Perhaps you know that a person is the sum of their own thoughts, emotions and and actions.  What you do is your life, your reality.  If you work in an uninteresting job, you don't live with those you love, you hardly spend money on yourself, and for the sake of another you are ready to harm yourself - this is not from kindness, but from low self-esteem.

The child does not have self-esteem, their parents evaluate them - these are the first people who shape the vision of themselves.  Someone adores their children, a daughter is a princess for them, a son is the strongest, and in general both are geniuses.  And they grow up to be utter losers.  Why?  Because mom and dad are like that.  Parents can cherish their children, but at the same time, if they do not love themselves, there will be problems with upbringing.  The second situation does not even need to be explained.  This is when the parents say to the child: "You are an idiot, you can't do anything properly. You are absolutely useless!"


One scientist took the experiment of Pavlov's dog, but instead of giving food, he electro shocked it.  The cage was closed and over time the dog stopped trying to escape. Then it was moved to an open kennel but it still did not try to escape. This is how learned helplessness is formed.  Also, children who were told in childhood that they couldn’t do anything, become classic C grade students - they don’t want anything, they don’t strive for anywhere, they go with the flow. Thus many spend their whole lives like this.



The child cannot be criticized, you need to tell them not that "you are bad", but "you did badly."  The child, as it were, should remain aloof, only action is discussed.  Do not say " jump into the mud, instead "go around the mud", not "no", but "yes", just in a different way. 


For many, the phrase "love yourself" is something incomprehensible, a set of sounds.  In fact, everything is pretty clear here: if you do not like yourself, you are not satisfied with your work and personal life, and you can do nothing about it, then you do not love yourself.  Moreover, it often happens that beautiful people have low self-esteem - they are in demand, but only for the first 15 minutes, then they open their mouths, and that's it. Whether another person loves you is not influenced by appearance, age and character, the main thing is self-esteem.

Our parents, even the wisest ones, taught us to love ourselves for something: we have to prove something, to represent something.  In fact, you can only love yourself for nothing.  Usually, after all, when they ask “Why do you love a person?”, The correct answer is “just like that”.  So why don't you treat yourself that way?  You will say: “… well, I'm not blind.  I know how old I am, I know all my shortcomings."  I will answer: "You are comparing yourself with someone: with those who are younger, who do not have cellulite and have bigger breasts."  I propose another way out of this situation: "I like myself because it is me."  Not because you are better or worse, but because it is you.  Come home, strip naked, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I like everything.  Everything I see suits me. "


A person who loves himself, does not tolerate, does not explain that there are relatives who need to be fed, that there is no way out - this is false.  People with high self-esteem do what they want to do and are not afraid of the consequences.  They live as they like and do what they love.  If they are married, then exclusively for love, and if love is gone, then they get divorced.  Loving yourself is an opportunity to live the way you want, and this is the guarantee of happiness.


If you want to boost your self-esteem, stop asking people about yourself - both near and far.  Assess yourself - it's difficult, but it's the way to yourself.  In the word self-esteem it is not for nothing that the first root is "self", this is your opinion, not someone else's.  If you really do not succeed, ask yourself not "What is wrong with me?", But "What am I doing wrong?"

Ask yourself "What I want", stop doing everything automatically, be self-conscious and learn to understand what you want - for a start, at least just in relation to food and clothing.  In this way, you will gradually learn to understand your desires.

When you love a person, but he is does not love you, then love for you is suffering, this is characteristic of people with low self-esteem.  Due to the lack of parental love, such people cannot live without relationships and are ready to give everything for this.  This is not a story about love, but about psychological dependence and neuroses.

To get away from loneliness, you need to set yourself a rigid schedule, in which there is no time for anything: evenings after work and weekends should be scheduled hourly.  You need to learn to spend time with yourself, and not cling to a relationship.  It will not be wanted, but it is worth learning, because only self-sufficient and independent people build healthy relationships.  If you feel that you are not loved, then leave, it cannot be tolerated.  Loneliness is not the absence of people around, but of self-love.


If a child knows how to occupy themselves with plasticine and books without the help of adults, then everything is in order with them, but if they run after their parents all the time, then they are lonely and it is worth contacting a psychologist.

Loneliness is not the absence of people around, but of self-love.

Someone calmly steps over infidelity, for someone it is a stumbling block.  The main thing is not to suffer.  You must live so that you will not be ashamed of the years spent aimlessly.  Your partner cheated on you, and you are trying to prove to yourself that you are no worse than others.  What for?  Either forget about it, or if it doesn't work out, change your partner.


To be yourself is to live your life: not by the attitudes of parents, the expectations of society, but the way you want.  Many people are driven by feelings of duty, guilt, shame, the inability to change something, the need to have abnormal relationships or imposed fears.  In fact, people don't give a damn about each other so much that no one will notice if you stop trying to live up to someone else's expectations.


www.psychologistdiana.com


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